[ Wei Wuxian is... he is... Jiang Cheng sits through his speech without a word passing his lips though there are little quivers running through him, his face tightening when the wordless screaming in his mind threatens to drown out Wei Wuxian's steadying voice - but he won't permit it, he fights against the screaming for he wants to hear what Wei Wuxian has to say, or at least wants to take in the timbre of his voice even if he isn't sure he can trust his words. But he wants to hear him speak like this one more time, just one more time he wants to listen to Wei Wuxian talk to him as if he cares. He can't let it be drowned out, this what he has right here in front of him, this is everything he has yearned for since...
He laughs bitterly, a broken noise closer to a sob than an actual laugh. ] If only you could have been like this when it still mattered.
[ This Wei Wuxian here, this is one that slips past all his defenses right to the most vulnerable parts of him and doesn't even truly make him feel exposed in the process. This one is steady and firm and calms him effortlessly, catches him when he is spinning wildly and helps him come to a standstill.
It just comes too late. ]
It doesn't matter what happened when Lotus Pier fell [ he whispers numbly, that burst of mad anger burned out for the moment now that Wei Wuxian has calmed the flames and he falls back into a bleakness which he is certain is all his own, he would bet Sandu on it if he were in a betting mood. He looks down at his hands. There is drying blood beneath his nails but he can't see that anymore, he can barely see them at all as shadows amidst shadows, everything is dark, so dark. ] It doesn't matter. [ Another choked laugh bubbles up and the voices in his mind join in with the laughter - they still sound like Wei Wuxian had, that terrible night at Nightless City. Is that when he had stood on a wall and laughed as people died, not at Lotus Pier? He remembers being tied up on the boat. He also remembers half a dozen different ways his parents died right in front of him. But none of that matters. ] It doesn't matter what they want.
[ Alone? Miserable? That's not going to happen? How like Wei Wuxian to promise to unbreak a shattered bowl when its water has already been spilled.
He leans forward, dropping from his crouch onto his knees and reaches for Wei Wuxian, grasping for his shoulders literally blindly. There are tears pouring from his unfocused eyes. ] It doesn't matter, Wei Wuxian. They've already won. They won before we ever came here.
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He laughs bitterly, a broken noise closer to a sob than an actual laugh. ] If only you could have been like this when it still mattered.
[ This Wei Wuxian here, this is one that slips past all his defenses right to the most vulnerable parts of him and doesn't even truly make him feel exposed in the process. This one is steady and firm and calms him effortlessly, catches him when he is spinning wildly and helps him come to a standstill.
It just comes too late. ]
It doesn't matter what happened when Lotus Pier fell [ he whispers numbly, that burst of mad anger burned out for the moment now that Wei Wuxian has calmed the flames and he falls back into a bleakness which he is certain is all his own, he would bet Sandu on it if he were in a betting mood. He looks down at his hands. There is drying blood beneath his nails but he can't see that anymore, he can barely see them at all as shadows amidst shadows, everything is dark, so dark. ] It doesn't matter. [ Another choked laugh bubbles up and the voices in his mind join in with the laughter - they still sound like Wei Wuxian had, that terrible night at Nightless City. Is that when he had stood on a wall and laughed as people died, not at Lotus Pier? He remembers being tied up on the boat. He also remembers half a dozen different ways his parents died right in front of him. But none of that matters. ] It doesn't matter what they want.
[ Alone? Miserable? That's not going to happen? How like Wei Wuxian to promise to unbreak a shattered bowl when its water has already been spilled.
He leans forward, dropping from his crouch onto his knees and reaches for Wei Wuxian, grasping for his shoulders literally blindly. There are tears pouring from his unfocused eyes. ] It doesn't matter, Wei Wuxian. They've already won. They won before we ever came here.