( this is-... it's so much worse than he thought it was, whatever is going on inside jiang cheng's head. and wei wuxian has to pause, has to close his eyes and take a breath, because there's so much more pleading at the tip of his tongue, enough that it's backed up down his throat and filling his lungs, and it's just barely chaotic enough to draw his attention back to the similar chaos of sharp-clawed presences at the edges of his own mind, held carefully at bay by years of practice with much less impotent spirits.
no - he can't pay them any attention. it's something he and the voices have in common: pay them even an ounce of attention and you'll never hear the end of it.
when he opens his eyes again, he finds that the breath has indeed chased the desperate pleading away, though he feels it lingering just below the surface. it nonetheless leaves him room to say, ) Jiang Cheng. ( quiet, firm, hopefully steadying. ) I was with you when they died, you and Shijie. We were tied with Zidian, floating down the lake - you need to remember. ( not for wei wuxian's sake, but for his own. for the sake of his sanity at this point, even just in this moment. ) By the time we got free, you and I went back and we-... They were already-... ( dead. they were already dead. it feels callous to even say it, when the man before him is so raw about it, so he leaves it unsaid. ) And... then you took off into the woods, and I chased after you. We argued, cried, ended up sleeping out there in a field.
( as for madam yu, his brow furrows a moment, because - ) Madam Yu... hated me. I'm not going to pretend she didn't. But she loved you, you and Shijie, in her own pissed-off way - she loved you enough to tear down mountains if they got in your way. And so did I, so I always kind of thought to myself that we were on the same team, even if she never realized it. And even though she blamed me for everything, all of it, she still trusted me to protect you. And I-, I haven't done that, not like I should have. Everything's so complicated now.
( they never talked about madam yu, did they? of course they didn't. they never talked about anything, not really. not like they should have. it's so easy to see, in retrospect.
his voice drops quieter. ) I hear them, too. Feel them in my head, like they're all around and I just can't see them. It's this place, A-Cheng, it wants you to suffer like this. Alone, miserable. But we're not going to let that happen. We're not going to let them win.
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no - he can't pay them any attention. it's something he and the voices have in common: pay them even an ounce of attention and you'll never hear the end of it.
when he opens his eyes again, he finds that the breath has indeed chased the desperate pleading away, though he feels it lingering just below the surface. it nonetheless leaves him room to say, ) Jiang Cheng. ( quiet, firm, hopefully steadying. ) I was with you when they died, you and Shijie. We were tied with Zidian, floating down the lake - you need to remember. ( not for wei wuxian's sake, but for his own. for the sake of his sanity at this point, even just in this moment. ) By the time we got free, you and I went back and we-... They were already-... ( dead. they were already dead. it feels callous to even say it, when the man before him is so raw about it, so he leaves it unsaid. ) And... then you took off into the woods, and I chased after you. We argued, cried, ended up sleeping out there in a field.
( as for madam yu, his brow furrows a moment, because - ) Madam Yu... hated me. I'm not going to pretend she didn't. But she loved you, you and Shijie, in her own pissed-off way - she loved you enough to tear down mountains if they got in your way. And so did I, so I always kind of thought to myself that we were on the same team, even if she never realized it. And even though she blamed me for everything, all of it, she still trusted me to protect you. And I-, I haven't done that, not like I should have. Everything's so complicated now.
( they never talked about madam yu, did they? of course they didn't. they never talked about anything, not really. not like they should have. it's so easy to see, in retrospect.
his voice drops quieter. ) I hear them, too. Feel them in my head, like they're all around and I just can't see them. It's this place, A-Cheng, it wants you to suffer like this. Alone, miserable. But we're not going to let that happen. We're not going to let them win.