( oh, he knows that jiang cheng would whip him again. he also knows that unless quite a bit more power goes into it, another strike from zidian wouldn't be enough to make this stop for a-cheng - just enough to quiet it down for a bit. a bandage over that which needs to be stitched.
and he's nonetheless braced for that very thing: a follow-up strike, this one no doubt breaking bones (he's lucky the first one didn't, it's not a weapon meant to be used on one without a golden core). but instead, jiang cheng curls in on himself. tries again to drive wei wuxian away, but it sounds that little bit more like pleading now and wei wuxian only scoots the slightest bit closer. )
I never wanted to do that. ( ...those weren't the words he meant to say. this isn't about him, and he can't let himself get sucked into fighting about this when what really needs to happen is jiang cheng properly making him bleed. and yet, ) I-... People were going to die, people who hadn't hurt anyone in their lives. I'm not more important than their lives. What I want isn't more important than their lives. ( he shakes his head a little. ) And I-, I don't know what it is that I do once I go back there, the thing that made you hate me, but I haven't done it yet. I haven't. And you can hate me for it any other time, I don't care, I deserve that, but -
( fuck - his throat's closing up a little, eyes burning. they wouldn't be if he could stand to look away, if he didn't have to see what a bloody miserable mess has become of the man who was once his brother, but his gaze nonetheless stays trained on the man huddled before him.
shaky hands lift, fingertips finding jiang cheng's arms with the lightest of touch. )
I have to fix this. ( his voice is different now - despite his best efforts, it's quieter, more raw, more vulnerable. ) A-Cheng, please, I can't leave you like this. I can't, I have to - ( his throat closes around the words, and he swallows hard, shaking his head almost helplessly. pleading, at barely above a whisper: ) I haven't even done it yet.
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and he's nonetheless braced for that very thing: a follow-up strike, this one no doubt breaking bones (he's lucky the first one didn't, it's not a weapon meant to be used on one without a golden core). but instead, jiang cheng curls in on himself. tries again to drive wei wuxian away, but it sounds that little bit more like pleading now and wei wuxian only scoots the slightest bit closer. )
I never wanted to do that. ( ...those weren't the words he meant to say. this isn't about him, and he can't let himself get sucked into fighting about this when what really needs to happen is jiang cheng properly making him bleed. and yet, ) I-... People were going to die, people who hadn't hurt anyone in their lives. I'm not more important than their lives. What I want isn't more important than their lives. ( he shakes his head a little. ) And I-, I don't know what it is that I do once I go back there, the thing that made you hate me, but I haven't done it yet. I haven't. And you can hate me for it any other time, I don't care, I deserve that, but -
( fuck - his throat's closing up a little, eyes burning. they wouldn't be if he could stand to look away, if he didn't have to see what a bloody miserable mess has become of the man who was once his brother, but his gaze nonetheless stays trained on the man huddled before him.
shaky hands lift, fingertips finding jiang cheng's arms with the lightest of touch. )
I have to fix this. ( his voice is different now - despite his best efforts, it's quieter, more raw, more vulnerable. ) A-Cheng, please, I can't leave you like this. I can't, I have to - ( his throat closes around the words, and he swallows hard, shaking his head almost helplessly. pleading, at barely above a whisper: ) I haven't even done it yet.